A very awkward period of time of boredom between two intense time periods.
I was still waiting for the university admittance tests results and I was preparing myself to drastic changes in my life that were about to come.
"It's all in my mind. All in good time"
February - After my approval and admittance in the university, I moved to Rio and I started building what we can call as a new life.
It all revolved around Mars.
I had to cut my hair short and wear ordinary clothes so I could convince my parents that I would be a normal person in Rio.
Thanks to a very good friend of mine from the south, I met the one who would be my best friend in Rio.
Adaptation was pretty easy since I could stand no longer living in that other town, since I had spent 2010 designing my own way out of that living hell I was living in.
"It's the promise of spring, it's the joy in your heart"
March - the winds got stronger and university had started and became the trigger of what would 2011 end up being.
There were the Iron Maiden show, the first party with those who would later become my closest friends in Rio, and it was all so new, all so glowing and so fantastic.
Sooner than I had first thought, I started holding most of my uni class in contempt for the wretches they are.
I had brought a new dawn into my life and it was quite interesting.
"I'm never gonna stop searching"
April - That one was a very pleasant month. Hanging out with new friends, travelling and getting to see the old ones.
One by one, my old stars were leaving my routine and my diaries.
To whom it may concern, on the other hand, I was finding new good people and befriending them everywhere. That positive magnetism was really wondrous to me then.
And the changes kept going on.
"It's all a blur last night"
May - With my majority, freedom had arrived at a new stage in my life.
It all had become more intense.
The university exams and my studies.
The parties and the hanging outs.
My endless doubts and my will to feel thrilled.
I had started saving money so I could try to get admitted into the university of Oslo on the next year.
I had started creating many plans on travelling abroad in the end of the year by any means necessary.
Then I realised that my dreams themselves were stronger than some ... people.
"I could swear by your expression that the pain down in your soul was the same... as the one down in mine"
June - My heart was divided between my love and my goals.
I had arrived at the ultimate generosity level. In which I could give up everything for something of a great illusion.
I was working restlessly so I could keep it all on a short leash and at my reach. I wanted to have good grades, a good social life, a considerable time of rest and all at the same time.
I pursued one of my old concepts of perfection.
Nothing was allowed to fail in my so-called design.
I had given much of my old innocence in exchange for my new found freedom.
But something of bigger measures waited for me in the following month.
"Spring bleeds in Paris"
July - I had finished my first semester in the uni with good grades and I was ready for something I had been expecting for a long, long time.
I went to Paris for the first time and I fell in love for the real part of a dream which I had been loving since I was a child.
I met outstanding people, a marvelous culture and an ancient and beautiful country.
Nevertheless, some bounds still attached me back from where I came and part of me wanted to return and to extinguish that painful distance.
What would I do ? How to have it all at the same time ? How to succeed in something so daring, so difficult and so extraordinary ?
Somehow I guess I just knew that I was really born to fly anyway.
"You and I will walk together again"
The new Moon was rising as the Sun was decaying. Then I felt my heart was more splitted than ever ! I could not make a wise choice since I wanted it all. I wanted everything that was in my grip and I would rather die then to let go off them.
My main efforts were on so rock in rio would go fine according to what was being planning the whole year.
I wanted both Sun and Moon close to me, but... somehow, I wanted to get rid off them and preserve my freedom. I wanted to be far away from them, far away from something that I always knew to be impossible.
"An illusion reaching there for me"
September - All at once, my schedule for rock in rio had failed and I had to travel to Brasília in that same day and pretend to be fine and alright to everywhere while I was also trying to work it all out, to fix what was wrong.
I brought the Moon to rock in rio so I could replace Sun there. It worked better than I had expected. Until the momment I realised that my heart was completly closed to anyone else when both of them were away from me. Longing was illustrating my heart.
I went to Rock in Rio during the Metal day and it was really an awesome experience.
I also went to a Blind Guardian show.
I had got a wonderful opportunity to spend part of the next year in Europe by some awesome european friends of mine and I would find myself working restessly in order to succeed with this whole idea very soon.
"And will we ever end up together ? No, I think not. It's never to become... for I am not the one"
October - Although I had great advances with both Sun and Moon, Moon had turned against me all of sudden and I had to painfully sever that beloved tie I had just created.
Sun would never sound true when sober and that I fedding me up. The lies, the deceiving, the feeling of exaustion that was spreding and growing deep inside of me were too much for me to stand.
By the moment I felt my feelings were far too offended to go on with that, I knew it was time to put an end to all of that. Then I severed my precious ties with Sun and with many other people that had become nothing but past redemption.
After all of that, I was utterly devastated. I did not know what was right and what was real anymore. Than I took three weeks of that blooming spring to re-born.
I had to open my heart, to regain my self-esteem, to belive in myself again, to move on, to leave it all behind and fly, fly away.
"How could I burn paradise ?"
November - I race against time and against all circunstances so I can do my cultural exchange abroad in 2012. I went after jobs, opportunities and low prices. I stood on and on against them all and it was easier since I did not feel that I still had anything else to lose here.
I had to drown october under all I was doing so another change could come according to plan.
And some of those who want me to come back ar part of the reason why I wish I could stay away forever.
My new friendships got stronger and my objectives got clearer.
Fortunately, I felt strong again, strong enough to face it all.
"Come take a walk on the wild side"
I have started searching for peace of mind and inner-balance through a meditative yoga.
After retrieving my self-esteem and my personal strength, I thought it was time to clean my soul from all harm and grudge it might be carrying along.
The meditation has been proving itself very useful and helpful and it has made me more patient and more foccused on myself.
Next step will be using it so I can bend time to my will and let us make a truce.
written by Daedalus.