I feel like an alien. Like the oddest human being ever born in this stupid world.
The few things I still believe are through being unproved to me. To erase all the faith that I still have on humanity.
And when I think that it's all in my head, I wonder if it wouldn't be better if I was never born at all.
Humans are fake, hideous, mean, liers, dissimulated, greedy and they hunt those of their kindred. Which is, by the way, the most wicked trace of theirs.
~~
I feel an inscreasing urgency deep inside of me screaming for unexistence.
You should aim better next time, for I am still alive.
~~
On moments like this, I feel like I should ignore and suppress every possible feelings and foccus myself only and exclusively to my studies. My studies will bring me wealth and status, which people don't seem to help with.
~~~
They are all so cheap, vain, empty and spititually immature. Have they got any kind of love other than their lascivia ? Is purity truly lost ? Am I to be deceived until I become one of them ?
What if I want to be different from them ?
What if I'd rather die than to belong to their despising kind ?
What if I need to flee from them ? Where will I go ?
I don'twant to be tested anymore, I don't want to be the one fighting alone all of the way
I want it all to ... I all want is .. tabula rasa
How can I tell my ego and make it believe that there's still hope, there's still light, there's still joy, there's still the "avenir". How ? Will I be lying to myself ?
"Memory is a poison. It can hurt you".
Whoever you are, save my life, change my mind.
L.ove
I.n
E.very
S.ense
Most people don't like to question things.. to get out of their comfortable state of inertia. And, you see, mostly people from big cities are kind of empty, because they have so many options of things to DO so they don't stop to THINK, to build something, instead of copying. It's like the big city blind people, that become more selfish, with short-sighted self interest, they want everything fast, now.
ReplyDeleteOn the other way, people from very small cities in very isolated places looks like blind too. I don't know wether is the lack of inspiration or what.
Now, on middle size cities, it's more like the balance between those. And i should say, the majority of my reeeally good friends, whom understand things others don't are from middle size cities.
But i should say, cities don't build people, it helps, gives references, but only the person is the one who can really make the choices and define him/herself.
My advice for you, stop thinking about finding your love, I know we want it, but usually(at least for me) it comes when we don't expect.
So stop betting coins on people around you, let it go. Stop creating an ideal of person for you, no one will ever be like that.(or you will always be disappointed).
And even the most complex person can look empty sometimes.
- Sorry, it was a big comment >____< , almost another post... I was inspired, I understand your situation(been there) -
vacations are close ~